Thursday Night Football gave us the Bears pulling off a 30-24 win over the Patriots, and somewhere in this league two GMs are feeling very different things about it. Even Bauce Can Beat WV and titysprinkles2 both roster starters from New England AND Chicago, meaning they basically played a mini intra-roster civil war on Thursday and nobody can even be mad at the other guy — it was friendly fire from the jump.

Now onto the Sunday (and Monday, because apparently football needs three days a week now) slate, where Vegas has handed us a buffet ranging from "please watch this" to "please don't."

The Appetizers

• PIT @ NO — PIT favored by 3.5, total sitting at a sleepy 44.5. This one's basically an internal scrimmage for 2 Yards Under, who rolled out starters on both sides. Rooting interest: mild. Blood pressure: stable.
• CLE @ TEN — the total here is a positively Puritan 37.5, the lowest on the board. Kardiac Kids have horses in both barns, which feels about right for a team whose name implies they enjoy suffering.
• MIA @ NYJ — NYJ favored by 4.5 in a game nobody asked for, but Stinky Bastards and Bush League each have exactly one dog in this fight, so enjoy your lonely vigil, fellas.

The Main Course

• SF @ ATL — SF favored by 3, total of 49.5. 2 Yards Under somehow has skin in this one too (SF and ATL both), proving that team's lineup is basically a time-share condo for half the NFC.
• IND @ MIN — MIN favored by a healthy 6.5. Even Bauce, Hands Holzberger, and Foosball is the Devil are all pulling for the Vikings to cover and keep their weekends pleasant.
• CIN @ BAL — a pick'em-adjacent 1.5 spread with a juicy 48.5 total. I am so SMRT, D'OH and Hands Holzberger need Bengals points; titysprinkles2, Foosball, and BourbonBandits are all-in on the Ravens.
• TB @ CAR — CAR favored by 3. Corn Shoughers has both Bucs and Panthers starters, which is either genius roster-building or a cry for help.
• NYG @ HOU — HOU laying a whopping 10.5, which is the kind of number that makes Even Bauce, Foosball, and Kardiac Kids (all with Giants starters) start pre-grieving their flex spot.
• DEN @ ARI — DEN favored by 4.5. American Idol rides with Denver while I am so SMRT, D'OH and 2 Yards Under throw their chips on the Cardinals.
• GB @ DET — the marquee total of the week at 53.5, with DET favored by 3. Half the league is basically invested here — Even Bauce, Stinky Bastards, Hands Holzberger, Foosball, BourbonBandits, and Kardiac Kids all have Packers starters, while Even Bauce, Corn Shoughers, Bush League, and American Idol have Lions. This is less a football game and more a league-wide group project.
• LAR @ LV — LAR favored by 4.5, total of 48.5. American Idol, 2 Yards Under, and Kardiac Kids want Rams points; I am so SMRT, D'OH and Bush League are quietly hoping the Raiders remember how to score.

Primetime Double Feature

KC @ SEA closes out Sunday with SEA favored by 2.5 and a total of 42.5 — titysprinkles2, Hands Holzberger, and BourbonBandits need Chiefs magic, while Foosball, Corn Shoughers, BourbonBandits (yes, both sides), and 2 Yards Under are banking on the Seahawks.

Then Monday night it's DAL @ PHI, DAL favored by 4.5 with a 44.5 total — and somehow Hands Holzberger, Foosball, BourbonBandits, American Idol, Bush League, AND Kardiac Kids all have Cowboys starters. If Dallas no-shows this one, that's a league-wide group chat meltdown waiting to happen. Meanwhile Kardiac Kids also gets a lonely Eagle to root for, which feels like betting both sides of a parlay just to feel something.

None of this is a guarantee of anything — these are just vibes, odds, and roster overlaps. Vegas lines move, players get hurt, and somebody's flex spot is always about to ruin their week.